I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
