He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm passing your future prison.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
