Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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