I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We have started to decorate penises.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
