He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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