Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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