I CAN MOONWALK!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
