Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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