walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
