At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
