im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
