I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
