Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
