summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
