When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize