did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
