my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
