if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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