It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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