Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
