It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
