if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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