That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize