I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
