I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
