I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
