I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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