i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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