No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
