Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
