and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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