Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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