Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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