My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
