She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
