worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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