Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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