if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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