Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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