hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
