i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
