who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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