are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
