last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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