I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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