Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
