It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
