just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize