"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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