I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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