when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize