I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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