and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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